I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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