just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
