I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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