apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You ruined the universe
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
