i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
