Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
