It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Randomize
