I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
