Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
