I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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