you would pick up someone in the library
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
