Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
