think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
