i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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