I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
