What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
