If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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