I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
