Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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