i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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