did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
