I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
