This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
