Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
