he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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