Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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