you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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