Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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