Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
