My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize