Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
