dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
