I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
