I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
