okay pat passed out under dana's car
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
