Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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