im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
