I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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