meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
