I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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