your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
