i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
