guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Everyone says I win the strip club
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
