im drinking this country out of the recession.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
