farters have to be the big spoon...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
