we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
