Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize