I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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