did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
