dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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