It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
