I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
