Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
