You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
