At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
