Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
