Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
