i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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