She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
