my phone needs a breathalizer
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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