I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
