we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
