You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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