Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
